Risking STIs

The incidences of STIs in our country are out of control.  15 - 24 year olds are at the highest risk and by the age of 25, 1 in 2 sexually active persons will have (or have had) an STI.  1 in 2!  That means that half of all sexually active people my age have had an STI!  That is a huge percentage... doesn't anyone else think that's really scary??  I think it's horrifying!  Especially when it's so easy to protect yourself against them.  What can you do - other than the obvious, which would be abstaining from sex - ?? The most obvious are:

• be in a monogamous relationship
• make sure you & your partner both have blood test done before having sex
• use latex condoms - EVERY single time you have sex!
• limit your sexual partners

I know that to a lot of people that seems ridiculously obvious - but so many people simply do not understand the risk or what they can do to prevent it.  Sometimes I hear people say silly things like "Oh I know I'm clean, I've only had sex once.."  Really?!  You can absolutely get an STI the first time you have sex, if it's with an infected person.  I often hear "I almost always use condoms." Again, really?!  How can a person who "almost always" uses a condom not realize the dangerous situation they are putting themselves into?  With half of all sexually active adults having had an STI it is way too risky for someone to "almost always" have protected sex.  Unless you are in a committed monogamous relationship, if you care about your sexual (& physical) health you should always be having protected sex.

Some women that I know think that wearing a condom is the male's responsibility.  Some women would prefer that he wear a condom but don't feel confident enough (or are too embarrassed) to speak up and request that he wear one.  And by request I of course mean demand.  I can only assume it's much more embarrassing to find out you have an STI that you easily could have avoided - especially if it's one that will be with you for the rest of your life and will require you to tell every future sexual partner you have about it.  I think it's so sad that in this day and age women would either a) think that making sure condoms are used is the male's job and/or b) not be confident enough to speak up for what they want (& their health).

First of all, few things annoy me as much as people who are sexually active and unable to talk about sex with their partner or partners.  If you are having sex you should be able to talk about it.  Yeah it can be embarrassing and uncomfortable sometimes, but that's part of it and you should be able to deal with that.  Secondly, women who want to have protected sex, who are not in a relationship with someone who they trust to provide condoms, should carry their own condoms.  There is nothing wrong with a woman keeping condoms in her purse and requiring any partners she has to use them.  Whenever a woman goes out, if there's any chance she might end up hooking up with someone or having a one night stand, she should be prepared to protect herself.

Both women and men should know their risk and know how to protect themselves.  I know that protection is sometimes skipped because people are in the moment - but trust me it's worth the interruption.

gaga, ooh la la

I was recently talking to a class about the sexual nature of most of the music videos they're watching.  We were discussing how most of the current pop and rap songs have the same basic element to their videos.  They often feature one man dancing around large groups of women or a few men with an even larger group of women.  In the majority of these videos the men are almost always in control and it is clear that women are only there for the men's pleasure.  (For one example - out of so many - watch Katy Perry's California Girls video.)  I asked them if there were any videos that they could think of where men outnumbered women.  Or if they could even name a video where the woman was controlling the man or sexually in power.  Immediately someone shouted out "Gaga", which led to everyone calling out the names of different Lady Gaga videos where she was the only woman clearly dominating one man or a lot of men.  I'm sure that there are a lot of videos out there where the woman is in control, however, off the top of my head I can only think of Gaga videos and a few Britney videos.  

The best example I can think of is the Alejandro music video.  She is absolutely in control (what with many of the men being chained and all :) and all of the men are clearly submissive to her.  I know that in some places it is a very sexual video, however, I see videos all of the time that are just as sexual - only sang (or rapped) by men.  So I think it's really interesting that a lot of t.v. stations and websites banned the Alejandro video... but still play equally sexual videos by male performers.  I suppose it could be because of the chains (and some people might see parts of it as sacrilegious)... but I wonder if some of that fallout is because it's shocking to people to see a woman being so sexually aggressive?  Personally I would love to see videos where no one is in "control" or has power over another person.  In a healthy relationship neither partner should have control over the other... and I really think that the youth in our nation are constantly getting the message that "when it comes to sex men should be in charge."  However, since it's clear that music videos and television shows are going to keep portraying that image I love that there is someone out there, like Lady Gaga, showing the opposite.  In my opinion she's showing young women - and even women my age - that females can not only be sexual but that they can also voice what they want and take control of their own sexual needs and desires.  And of course, that message I love.

Disclaimer:

I love pop music & I love Gaga.  

I think she is so sexy & powerful - and I love any music I can dance to!  

I think that the Alejandro video is one of the greatest videos ever... 

however, a lot of people will vehemently disagree.  

If you love Gaga as much as I do and haven't watched it yet, check it out:

Alejandro Video - Lady Gaga

Are you ever really ready to be a parent??

It's confusing to me that I've reached an age and point in my life where no one would be disappointed in me if I found out I was pregnant.  Even more confusing is the fact that people seem to expect me to become pregnant.  The other day someone I work with asked me if I was going to have children soon.  My only thought was "who asks that to someone they barely know??"  She then went on to imply that if I want children I should start trying soon.  Statistically I know that's true.  I know that female fertility begins to drop at age 27 (which I'll be in a few months) and there's a more drastic drop in fertility after age 35.  I'm aware of these drops in fertility... but I also know that they don't happen to all women.  More than that I can't comprehend how anyone could think that it is acceptable to imply that someone else is ready to start a family.  Whenever I go home (to the town I was raised in) there are always a few people who ask me when I'm going to start having babies.  Ugh, how can these people have such a complete lack of social skills?!  Not only do I find it rude to ask someone something so personal, but I think it's ridiculous to assume that everyone wants to have children.

While I know that I'd like children someday I can't imagine the idea of having children now.  I can't imagine anything but sadness for the life I haven't gotten to live.  I have so many things I want to do before I have kids.  I just don't get the whole "baby" thing.  I cannot imagine loving something that much.  Several years ago when a friend of mine was a few months pregnant she said, "it's it crazy that my baby is the size of a peanut and I already love him more than anything else in my life."  I can't imagine what that must be like... does that feeling just automatically occur when you find out you're going to be a parent?  Will there ever be a time when I don't dread having children but actually look forward to it??  If anyone has any thoughts I'd love to hear them.  I spend most of my days teaching people how to avoid unwanted pregnancies... but secretly the idea of a planned pregnancy almost seems just as scary to me!

What is the goal of sex education?

A few weeks ago, before starting our unit on reproduction/ birth control, one of my students asked me "is it okay to reuse a condom?"  When I said no, another student chimed in "have you ever reused a condom??"  Clearly I was horrified.  No not because he asked me a personal question (another teacher I talked to thought that was the problem), but that they would even question whether or not reusing a condom was safe.  After telling this story to some friends, several of them admitted that they had either never realized that condoms shouldn't be reused or that they had actually used the same condom twice in a row.  Horrifying.  These sort of statements make me feel confident that everyone should be receiving sex ed.  It's so confusing to me that most of our television shows contain dozens of sexual references and innuendos, movies have countless sex scenes, the songs that teenagers are listening to are filled with sexual lines - and yet people fight to keep sex education out of schools.  Our children and teens are being bombarded on a daily basis with messages encouraging them to believe that "everyone" is having sex - that sex is fun and risk free.

The main argument I encounter is that "sexual education should be taught at home."  Absolutely- I agree 100%.  Parents need to start a dialogue with their children, about sex, before they start having sex. But lets be honest... it isn't happening.  There are a lot of reasons:

      a) parents naively believe that if they don't talk to their children
           about sex they won't do it (that always makes me laugh :)

      b) they think that if they talk to their children about sex it will
           encourage them to start doing it (wrong again, kids are curious -
           they want to understand how their bodies work, they should  

           understand.)

      c) they are uniformed and simply don't know the right information to
           tell their children (easy to understand - in order to thoroughly
           teach their children they need to understand anatomy and how 

           each part of the reproductive anatomy functions, statistics on
           birth control and STIs, all of the types of birth control out there
           and how each one works... why??  because we know abstinence 

           only doesn't work.)

      d) they are uncomfortable or nervous talking about sex with their
           children (I can only assume it's more uncomfortable to have your
           teen tell you they pregnant or have an STI...)

I simply cannot understand how anyone can think that sex educators are encouraging teens to have sex.  I find that notion appalling... and ridiculous.  I am a huge advocate for postponing sex.  As someone who's only ever had sex with one person I think that postponing sex is one of the healthiest things a person can do.  However, research shows that not teaching teenagers about their options will not keep them from having sex, it will only keep them from having safe sex.  Personally I think that should be a major goal of all parents - for their children to be able to make safe, educated decisions.  Lets face it- most kids aren't learning about sex at home.  Instead they are learning about it from the media - which rarely shows the risk and consequences of sex - and their peers.  

Thankfully my students are lucky enough to have one of the best health education programs in the state.  They get to learn about the benefits and risks of sex - which hopefully will guide them in making healthy choices.  They know the importance of postponing sex.  They know that the incidence of contracting an STI is highest in their age range and they know how to take precautions to keep from becoming a part of that statistic.  (And of course, now they know never to reuse a condom!)  Health education is about teaching students to make healthy, educated decisions that will positively impact the rest of their lives... it is not about teaching them how to have sex.  

Honeymooning!

For anyone who might read this... sorry for the delay, but I will be posting again soon!  The past few weeks have been crazy - with finals, moving home for the summer (half way across the country), packing & unpacking.  We're honeymooning now and have a crazy summer planned... I'll write as soon as things calm down :)

The sex trade in India - Stopping child prostitution and the spread of HIV/AIDS

Lately I've been doing a lot of research on the red-light districts in Asia, especially in India.  For anyone who doesn't know a red-light district is an area of a town or city containing numerous brothels, strip clubs, and other sex businesses.  Honestly I have no problem with sex workers - as long as they are of age and choose to work in the sex industry.  My biggest problem with prostitution is the abuses the women are often forced to suffer.  However, the red-light districts in Asia have a huge problem with selling children and women into the sex trade and forcing them to work.  (I know that there are children sex workers in the U.S., too.  But since it is not as common and it is not socially acceptable here I am focusing on the problems in Asia.)  

If you are looking for a humanitarian cause to support or donate to, I suggest doing some research on groups working to remove children from the sex trade.  I'm so inspired by the work being done by all of the different individuals, humanitarian groups, and documentary film makers who are working to either stop children from entering the sex trade or educating the world about what is happening to these children.

I have attached two documentaries on the red-light districts in India (click on the links above the pictures at the bottom of this post).  The first one is called India - The Sex Workers, by PBS's Frontline and is only 20 minutes long.  It talks briefly about the children, but focuses more on the problems sex workers face, specifically AIDS.  It is an educational and powerful film.  I think that everyone should watch it - you can find the time!  The second one is full length documentary called Born into Brothels.  As you can tell from the name, it focuses on the children.  It is a little bit slower and wasn't as powerful for me, but definitely worth watching if you have the time.

The videos focus on sex workers in Kolkata, India (which was previously known as Calcutta) and Mumbai, India (which is largest city in India and home of the largest red-light district in Asia).  The stories are both inspiring and heartbreaking.  It was so shocking for me to see (in The Sex Workers) how intelligent, well spoken, and determined the workers were.  I was overwhelmed by how hard they were working to make their lives safer and how hard they were working to try and keep the children of India out of the district.  At the same time I was sickened by the fact that parents willingly sell their children into the sex trade.... knowing the life of abuse they will be facing.  I cannot imagine what sort of parent would voluntarily put their child into that life, fully aware of the continuous rape, abuse, degradation, and possibility of death that their children will be facing on a daily basis.  It makes me feel sick.  But then I wonder if maybe those parents truly believe that they are giving their children a better life??  How can that be?  It makes me so thankful for where I was raised and for the fact that we expect our children to be safe and receive an education.  I'm often angry at our leaders and our policies, but today I'm feeling very grateful for my country, the life I live, and the knowledge that my children will never experience what these children experience every day.  

India - The Sex Workers

Born into Brothels

So, how effective are condoms??

In one of my sexuality classes I came across a list of rules for condom usage that I thought was really good.  I think that too often people do not realize how often condoms are not used properly and therefore how high the risks of transmitting STIs and becoming pregnant actually are.  When used consistently (that means every time :) and correctly condoms have an incredibly high success rate at preventing pregnancies.  In fact they have have a 0.02% failure rate.  Unfortunately, people often use them improperly (meaning they fail to follow one of the rules below), so in typical use the failure rate is actually 12%.  That means that 12 women out of 100 whose partners rely on condoms alone can expect to become pregnant during a year of use.  In my opinion that is a very high number!  And Trojan sure does not advertise that their condoms typically work 88% of the time!  So we know that condoms can work - then why aren't they?  I can only assume that people are unaware of how easy it is to misuse a condom.  I know putting on a condom might seem incredibly basic to most of us, but just in case you are doing something wrong - if you ever use condoms as contraceptives - I would suggest reading these rules:

• Use a condom each and every time you have intercourse!
• Check the expiration date - do NOT use if it has expired!!!
• Do not use any condom that feels sticky or brittle, or is discolored looking.  (Also, do not use if the package has been damaged prior to opening.)
• Do not expose condoms to extreme heat or cold.  (This means don't leave condoms in your car glove box or in your wallet!)
• Handle the condom carefully - make sure not to damage it with your fingernail, teeth, or sharp objects.  
• Place the condom on the erect penis before it comes in contact with the vagina.
• Uncircumcised men should pull back their foreskin before putting on a condom.  
• If you use a spermicide, place some inside the tip of the condom before putting on the condom.  (Though I suggest using a spermicidal condom every time!)
• For a condom without a reservoir tip (which I do not suggest using), leave a small empty space - about a half-inch - at the tip for semen, but do not allow air to get trapped at the tip.
• Unroll the condom all the way to the bottom of the penis.
• Ensure that there is adequate lubricant, or else the friction may cause the condom to break
• If your partner is a female and the condom breaks during intercourse, withdraw and use a spermicide.  (I would also suggest taking Plan B - it is most efficient if taken within 72 hours, the earlier the better.  Of course I do not suggest taking it if it is against your personal or religious beliefs.)
• After ejaculation, carefully withdraw the penis while it remains erect.
• Hold the rim of the condom against the base of the penis as the condom is withdrawn to prevent the condom from slipping off.
• Always check the condom for tears before removing it.  If any are found take the necessary precautions.
• NEVER USE A CONDOM MORE THAN ONCE!  If you plan on having sex again - put on a new condom.  (I recently heard someone say that they'd use a condom twice in a row because they are expensive... that logic is ridiculous and I'm pretty sure condoms are way cheaper than a baby...)

I know these rules seem simple and obvious, but you wouldn't believe the stories I hear.  I'm continually amazed by the stories people tell me and the lack of common sense people use.  Make protecting your sexual health a priority!  I wish that more people would take the risk seriously - you only have to have unprotected sex once to get pregnant or contract an STI.  Is the risk worth it, when the consequence could be HIV??